From nowhere To nowhere

Published 7:21 pm Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Editor, Smithfield Times

Well it looks like it has come to be. With all the Debt, all the other needs this County has we are going to build a 10-foot-wide bike path from nowhere to nowhere. Maybe it will hook up with other bike paths somewhere, someday but these biker guys and gals don’t want to ride for just a few miles when they get on a bike. They are looking for 40 or 50 miles just to get warmed up.

Now, tell me. Why do these biker guys and gals need a 10-feet-wide path? Have you seen these folks. By the time they get their cute little hats on and that very tight, bright colored, form-fitting uniform, with matching shoes, I have never seen one that would measure much over 12 inches across the butt.

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Now I am not saying that you could get 10 of the biker folks riding side by side, but surely, you can get 5 or 6. Have you ever seen these biker guys and gals humped over their handlebars pumping away, ride five across? Never, they just ride in a straight little single row much like ducks in a row. Shoot, looks like to me three feet wide would be plenty good enough for most of the bikers I have seen.

And, another thing. As my old deceased friend Jesse would always say when she was held up in traffic behind a string of bikers, “Do you see any license plates on those Bikes? They are not paying a “xzapobcc” dime of taxes to use these roads.” Imagine if she were around today and heard of the 10-foot-wide bike path, right here in Isle of Wight County. What she might say.

I am a great believer in letting Government get involved in and do as few things as possible, so why are our taxes going to build bike paths? Is it anything about the Public Good? No, it is for the benefit of a few who will not pay a dime for the building and upkeep of these paths unless we have a few brave politicians who will vote to tax bikers for their use of our highways just like they tax me. Well, not exactly like me because, I have a big old gas burning car. But, something commensurate with the size of my car as compared their little 12-inch butts. And they could even get one of those little vanity plates for their Bikes.

Everybody gets something. We, the people, get a little help on taxes. Biker guys and gals get their own road and even Vanity Plates if they like, and of course feel really, really, really good about chipping in a little taxes to pay for their personalized roadway.

Frank Hall