Is Santa safe this Christmas?

Published 5:03 pm Tuesday, December 21, 2021

Editor, The Smithfield Times:

I was curious if anyone knows what Santa’s vaccination status is. To be honest, I’m worried about letting an elderly, overweight man who watches children at night who is unvaccinated into the house on Christmas Eve.

I’m worried not just for myself but also my older parents with whom I live. If something were to happen to them, who would I smooch off of? Who would pay my cellphone bill? The situation is dire, and I would like an answer before Christmas Eve.

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Is he taking rapid tests every couple of houses? I mean, I’m not even sure that we will be able to pass some borders into the USA, which is almost more concerning, as I would not get my gifts.

I am not even sure of the logistics of delivering booster shots to the North Pole, but perhaps leaving an N95 mask out next to the cookies and milk would be enough?


Steven Burton